Pretty Girl 11.01.11 - Jenna Lee

I'll tell ya, I might have to go right just for the "foxtrots."

Suicide Squeeze - Cue Little Green Bag

Lowe Point

On the same day that the Indians declined their $9mil option on former face of the franchise Grady Sizemore, the organization also made two moves to "bolster" the starting five.  Frankly, neither move makes any sense whatsoever to me.

In a hotly debated decision, the Tribe picked up Fausto Carmona's $7mil option for 2012.  I could have done without that.  In an even more bizzare transaction, the Indians have acquired veteran RHP Derek Lowe from Atlanta for incosnsequential LHP Chris Jones.  The Braves will pick up $10mil of the $15mil owed to the 38-year old in the final year of his contract.

You might recall Lowe for his career 2.45 ERA against the Tribe, their struggles against him the '98 and '99 postseasons or, more recently, the rotten egg he laid for the Braves in September.  Derek posted 0-5 with an 8.75 as the Bravos mailed in the season's final month and ceded the Wild Card to the eventual World Champion Cardinals.

I can just hear my father now, ranting on about how the Indians feel like they can rehabilitate any formerly successful big league pitcher.  I can imagine him conjuring the names of Jim Johnson or Brendan Donnelly, of Carl Pavano.  I'll respond with Kevin Millwood and Paul Byrd.  And Manzo will just say "Another shit-ass move by a shit-ass team."  Still, $5mil for your 4th starter is not bad.

We'll see...

Pretty Girl Update! - Pixie Lott

We're all naked under our clothes, some just look better doing it.  Nice.

What Brown Has Done To Me

After over a decade, The so called Cleveland Browns still cannot field a competitive professional football team. I demand a refund! Not only did City taxes pay for a stadium, and all of us fans spending millions on tickets, and souvenirs, but also the billions we have spent on beer, alcohol and other tailgating/ bar expenses. I would also like to begin a class action lawsuit for the emotional damage of an entire region, along with medical costs for hospital expenses from the fights that have broken out since 1999 as a result of true fans fighting Cleveland Steelers fans. - The Levite

Colt fumbles for the 6th of 19 times on Sunday.

So, the Brownies have gotten pretty goddamn embarrassing.  Sure, their record is 3-4, which doesn't seem so bad, but let's dig just a scoach deeper.  With last week's thrilling 6-3 victory over the Charlie Whitehurst led Seahawks still fresh in mind, also recall that victories 1 & 2 came over the Colts and Dolphins, who have a grand win total of... well... zero.  These three glorious successes have come by an aggregate margin of 12 freakin' points.  Good lord.

Today's rushing leader, in an abysmal loss to the Niners, was Chris Obamayami-something-or-other, whose previous life highlight had been showering next to Colt McCoy at UT.  In his defense, O'bangin-yo-mama did amass a solid 37 yards on 11 carries.  Hell yeah!

And why was Oh-god-no-waya toting the rock?  Because Sam Jackson's Mr. Glass character from Unbreakable is real and he wears #31.  When I first heard that Hardesty was hurt, I was sure that he had torn the ACL in his mutant third knee, just to complete the set.  Sadly, his tweek (as noted on Twikker.com) is a strain of the right calf or goat... chicken/sheep, whatever.

Even that wuss-bag disability isn't as bad our very own Curse of the Madden Cover-boy.  Peyton Hillis has been pulling his own hamstring for a solid two weeks now.  My own inside sources report an alternate diagnosis involving Hilshits' visit to Golden Gate Park following the Raiders game and resultant large quantity of sand lodging snugly within his vajazzled Man-gina.  At least he, and consigliere Tom Hagen, had the dignity to break off contract negotiations given Pgeyton's (silent G) 287 total yards and 3.8 yards per touch in 2011.

Perhaps worst of all is the spectre of 4 losses to Baltimore and Pissburgh over the season's final 5 weeks coupled with possible wins against St Louis, Jacksonville and Arizona.  The result of this equation?  No playoffs.  No top 5 draft pick.  Only another regrettable season of faulty talent recognition, an absent brain trust and poor execution.  Oh and, of course, the cold, steel grip another losing team.

It's days like this (i.e. most of them) that make me glad that the Brown and Orange are often preempted by the Buh-jengals in my Columbus market.

What a great reason not to watch.

At least the Cavs are still undefeated.

Cheers.

Pretty Girl 10.31.11 - Ashley Greene

I've never actually see her in anything, but I hear that she's in all of those crappy Twilight flicks.  And she's hot as hell.  Happy Devil's Night, bitches.  ;-j

Gimme Some Skin

I didn't even know that this was legal.  Awesome.

Pretty Girl Video Update! - Katrina Bowden

Katrina Bowden downblouse by Tiresias11

30 Rock is funny and Cerie is hawt!

Pretty Girl 10.30.11 - Summer Altice

If these aren't enough to explain why I once thought that she was the most gorgeous of all god's creations, check out the cult classic (maybe) Grind.

Pretty Girl 10.29.11 - Jill Hennessey

Every time I worry about running out of pretty girls, I get reminded of someone like Jill.  How did I forget her for so long?  I fell in love with Claire Kincaid 15 years ago when Law & Order on A&E was the only thing on @ 3am.

Cardinals 6, Rangers 2

Unreal.  Analysis to come on one of baseball's most unlikely champions ever.

Tribe Prospect Countdown: #34 RHP Matt Langwell

6'2" 225 lbs, 25 in 2012

2011 Stats (Akron - AA/ Columbus - AAA): 5-1, 3.01 ERA, 3 SV, 1.31 WHIP, .237 OBA, 3.7 BB/9, 9.3 K/9

So, I bet that you're asking "Why is Langwell ahead of Cory Burns?"  Thanks to his gaudy saves numbers, you might have heard of Burns, while Langwell is a virtual unknown.  Then, taking a look at the statisitcs, Burns beats Langwell across the board, yet I consider Matt a better prospect.  Let me explain why. 

(1) True MLB stuff - Burns has been incredibly successful as a finesse/deception pitcher.  This does not often translate to the bigs.  Langwell, on the other hand, has a solid low 90's fastball, which he can consistently command in a variety of situations.  Even more importantly, Matt possesses a true plus pitch: his heavy slider.  In the minors this repertoire yielded a bunch of strikeouts and a 1.10 GB/FB rate.  While 1.10 does not seem a large number, when you pair it with his K's, Langwell allowed just 35% flyballs in 2011.  As he progresses towards the majors, more and more hitters wil make contact with his best pitch, but the swinging strikes will likely translate to grounders, keeping that flyball rate down and encouraging success out of the pen. 

(2) Body/Delivery - Although Burns' 6'1" 180 lb frame is not a hinderance, Langwell's physique projects much better to the next level.  Combine this with the more conventional delivery that Matt utilizes and concern for injury is much lower. 

(3) Head/Mentality - I have already stated that it is unlikely that Burns will close for the Indians.  Over this past year, it had become painfully evident that there is a stark contrast between the mindset of closing and that of setting-up.  Langwell has a head start in this respect, having two full season of 7th and 8th inning work under his belt.  Thereby, he is better mentally prepared for the role he would likely serve in the big leagues. 

All of this being said, there is a rather low ceiling for Matt Langwell.  While he could spend several years at the Major League level, sliding into a middle reliever spot, he just as easily might come up shy altogether.  And he will turn 26 in May, so time is a-wastin.  I do not expect him to challenge for a opening day roster spot.

Up Next: #33 - RHP Steven Wright

Pretty Girl Update! - Rose Byrne

This chick is friggin' everywhere.  In house, custom screen caps btw.  Don't say I never did anything for you.  ;-j

Suicide Squeeze - Why We Love Soccer Girls

Cardinals 10, Rangers 9 (11 innings)

The Cards became the first team in World Series history to score in the 8th, 9th and 10th innings.  Oh, and the 11th.  Win to Jake Westbrook, forever an Indian in my heart.

Cheers.

Pretty Girl 10.28.11 - Brie Larson

Not that I have any interest in the Golden Gate, but there's something so damn sexy about a chick open to anything.  Don't know wtf I'm talking about?  You should probably watch The League.

Pretty Girl Update! - Lindsay Lohan

Okay, so this is more of a prequel than a sequel, but old school Lindsay is way better than new.

Jade Bile

The hazy shade is the deepest hue that confronts me, while the words remain unintelligible.  Every pool of water is slick with poison, another arsenic gumdrop teetering off of the never-ending ledge.  I can no longer smell the sunshine, only the deep decay of a thousand still-born aspirations.  The more houses fall, the more severe their concrete children rise.

Once upon a grey moon, all of this seemed entirely too convenient.  All of my wishes granted in the most horrible manner possible.  "Be careful," I was always told.  The bright curtains burned, sheer blue-green flames of artificial nightmare.  I got it, more what I asked than what we all deserved.  To deny the entirety of existence, to refute the everything of everyone and to do so without impaling one's own self, is to invite a lifetime of agony.  While bones may not break and organs may not fail, the absolute absence of commonality is beyond all conception of despair.

Take a memo: "Fuck off.  I don't care."

Dictated, but not read.

Pretty Girl 10.27.11 - Erica Durance

I was never a huge fan, but when there's this much goddman candy in the jar, you gotta have a piece.

Pretty Girl Update! - Courtney Stodden

New life plan: become mildly successful actor by age 51, then wed buxom blonde 1/3 my age.  It's good to have attainable goals.

Pretty Girl 10.26.11 - Nasim Pedrad

What you get when you roll Kim Kardashian, Maria Menounos, Christina Aguilera and Vanessa Hudgens into a single chick with a brain.