Goin' All the Way @ the Clip Joint

Zach McAllister

Sadly, Zach McAllister's perfect season is over.  He did, however, throw a complete game six-hitter.  Zach made one mistake and it turned into a 3-run Dan Johnson homer.  The rest we can put on the shoulders of an impotent offense that mustered just two hits.  McAllister (2.42) walked three and struck out the same in going the distance for the second time in 2011.  And, ok, he did give up a solo homer in the 4th, but it was the 6th inning that changed the game.  The two men that came home ahead of Johnson's blast reached on an error and a walk.  Ain't that always the way.  McAllister remains #1 on the minor league depth chart should the big club need a spot start.

Briefly, lest I blow chunks, on the offense.  Cord Phelps: 14-game hit streak over.  Lonnie Chisenhall: one hit in his last 20 at bats.  Jared Goedert: .067.  The final was 4-1.  Enough.

Corey Kluber takes his turn tomorrow at 7:05p as the Clippers continue their series with the Bulls Durham.

Other Minor Points of Interest --

CC Lee pitched two innings and struck out three in a 4-2 Akron loss that also featured Jordan Henry's 17th steal and Beau Mills' first dinger.  Lee (3.00) did allow an unearned run, but the awesome bit is his strikeout rate.  CC now has 43 K's (against just 7 walks) in 30 innings which rattles out to 12.9 K/9.  If you look at his last ten appaearances (17.1 IP, 29 K) the number jumps to 15.1.  Wicked.

The Kearnsian bat work filtered down to Kinston as well, though the little Indians found a way to win, 1-0.  Giovanni Soto could not wait out the offense, but he did polish off an insane month of May.  Soto (2.44) was 3-0 with a 2.03 over the past month with 10.2 K/9.  Today he hurled six shutout innings with a pair of hits, a pair of walks and ten more punch outs.  Although Soto has had a magnificent season, the organization has the luxury to bring him along deliberately, so do not expect a promotion any time soon.

On the subject of caution, Drew Pomeranz, who has not pitched since May 18th is scheduled to throw on Wednesday.  His last three starts have been skipped with very little in the way of explanation.  One theory is that the Indians are just trying to limit his innings.  Still, as more and more outings are missed, one begins to wonder if this has something to do with the hamstring tightness that forced Drew out after three innings on April 25.  Once again, the Tribe can exert however much discretion it would like as there are a load of arms ahead of Pom.

The feast or famine adventures of St Ed's own Alex Lavisky continued tonight for the Captains.  Alex (.210) jacked two bombs and drove in five during a Lake County 9-4 victory.  Both his last homer and last multi hit game came on May 14th.  In those two games Lavisky went 4-for-8 with 3 long balls and 7 RBI.  In the eight games between he batted .178 (5-for-28) with zero XBH and zero RBI.  He did go down on strikes eleven times.  Ah, the life of a 20-year old professional catcher.

Cheers.

Pretty Girl 06.01.11 - Melissa Auf Der Maur

Former bassist for Hole (see today's FTC) and confirmed redhead.

A Quest Called Tribe

At approximately 7:02pm I turned to my lady and said "I predict a great start from Mitch Talbot."  Now I am unsure whether Mitch's line (6.2 IP, 6 H, R/ER, 3 BB, 3 K) qualifies as great but thank that deity (what's his name?) that it was at least in the ballpark. ;-j  Following a stretch of games during which the Indians played exactly how everyone expected them to this season, a win tonight was paramount to set up a chance to win the series tomorrow.  In fact, so much went right tonight that I am a bit scared that the left shoe is coming back down on Wednesday.

First off, Talbot.  On a night that many described as a make-or-break for his career with the Tribe, he stepped up and delivered the sort of performance that we all know he is capable of.  I have read a bunch of blather that his outing was "ok," was "acceptable" and that defense bailed him out.  Huh, I am fairly certain it was basically the same defense (exactly on the infield and that is what is being referenced) behind Fausto Carmona last night.  Weird how the Jays scored all of those runs with that miracle D out there.  Why does it never work for Chad Durbin?  Wait, I forget... is this a team sport?  Does a pitcher only do well when he strikes out every man he faces?  Maybe, just maybe, Talbot (4.50) threw an excellent game and Jack Hannahan did exactly what he is being paid to do at third base to balance his .229 batting average.  I am going to give Mitch his due and expect similar results each and every time he steps to the mound.

Oh, yeah, speaking of striking out everyone he faced, say it with me: Vinnie...  Pestanoisnasty.

And the offense woke up?  WTF?  Carlos Santana had three hits including a pair of doubles.  Carlos Santana.  He who built a condo on the Mendoza line.  If you had asked me before the game I would have deemed it more likely that the singer had a better chance to crack three hits.  Regardless, it was Santana's first three hit contest since opening day and drove in a pair.  He is up to .228.  Two doubles and 2 RBI for Grady Sizemore (.255), three hits (2B, 3B) for Michael Brantley (,287) and a wicked delayed steal by M-F'in Hanahan.  It is all almost too much.  I think that I will just sit back and enjoy it.

Tonight, I will dream of the bullpen mafia mowing down Philadelphia Phillies in October.

Cheers.

Flick to Click: Hit So Hard

In limited release now.  Go find it.

Yeah? Fuck You, Too.

It's shit like this that makes me want to burn things down.

MVotD - Guns 'N' Rose - Madgascar

At least Chinese Democracy wasn't a complete piece of shit...



And a bit of the good old days...



Cheers

L'Homme Chauve-Souris

I could explain all the metaphor and symbolism but you have accurately dissected the dense layering already.  Right?

"Not Instead Of Pants!"

Another addition to the top ten list of schools that I wish that I had attended.

A Quest Called Tribe

Well, now the Indians have lost five of six.  I could talk about how pathetic they have been at the plate.  During the span the team is hitting .212 (40-189) and has struck out significantly more often (51 times) than they have gotten a hit.  Or I could cite the starting pitching.  The rotation has taken every decision, so they are 1-5, but more staggering is how awful the five have been in doing so.  Over 32 innings they have allowed 33 earned runs.  That equals a 9.28 ERA.  Opposing batters have rapped out 49 hits in 133 official at bats.  That is a .368 OBA.  Add in 10 walks and just 19 strikeouts and the WHIP shakes down to 1.84.  Ugh.

One would think that these numbers could accurately relay just how bad a team could play, just how bad the Indians have been playing for the last week.  That is to say, the boys certainly could not have been performing worse than the statistics indicate, right?  Sadly, yes they could, yes they can, yes they have.  I am going to boil this down to just one play.  Stop me if you've heard this one.  Bases loaded, one out.  Your "ace" (we'll get back to that) has let four runs in, but your team is only down three and it's still early.  Let's say your team has lost, oh, four of five and sorely needs a win.  A tailor-made double play ball, the kind that would end the inning, kill this rally, is batted right to you.  Whoops, you bobble it, but you can still get one.  Whoops, you drop it and the ball rolls a foot away.  Ok, that's only one more run.  What do you do now with the opposition's fleetest afoot rounding third?  If your name is Orlando Cabrera you lazily scoop up the ball and toss it from hand to hand.  Also, and this is the most important part, no matter what else happens, keep your back to the infield.  Never for a second consider that Rajai Davis is jogging home and embarrasing not only you, but your entire team as the score gets out of hand.  That, my friends, is what the last six games have felt like, that play, that one play, for 54 innings.

So, if coming into the game, I had told you that one team was sending its nominal ace to the hill versus a guy who had not won a game since June of 2008, a span of 28 starts.  Who would you have given the edge to?  The key word in the question is "nominal."  In case you are wondering, because I had only a vague understanding of the term for years, it means "in name."  Like House of Payne is called a "situation comedy," but I have never laughed while watching it.  That is to say, Fausto Carmona is not an ace.  He does not compare well to the aces of other teams and I would go so far as to say that he is not the best starting pitcher in the rotation (we'll save the debate on who is for another time).  Fausto's record dipped to 3-6.  One way to look at that is that he is only three games under .500.  Another way is to say that he has lost twice as many as he has won.  His ERA has ballooned to 5.31.  Some will say that these are poor measures of a pitcher's performance, that there is too much luck involved. I say baseball is about winning games and the easiest way to win a game is to score more runs than the other guys.  Maybe it's time to call Fausto something other than our ace.

Have I mentioned recently that I hate losing?  Remember that guy who had not won a start since the Bush administartion?  Well, JoJo Reyes threw the first complete game of his career and limited the Tribe to a single run.  But at least Chad Durbin got to give up a couple of garbage runs.  That keeps his season long streak of crappy pitching alive.  Nice.

Let's get those kids up.  Super two concerns should be moot by week's end.

Cheers.

Pretty Girl 05.31.11 - Sasha Jackson

Remember the name...  Hell, who cares about the name.  Remember the body.

Clip Joint Blows

Scott Barnes

Scott Barnes did his job, five solid innings allowing just a run (solo HR) on four hits and a walk with 9 punch outs.  Scottie has a 3.21 ERA over his last three stars to lower his season mark to 5.12 and the nine K's represent a AAA best.  He left in line for the win with a 4-1 lead.  Then the bullpen happened.

Justin Germano, horrific in two appearances since his DFA, surrendered a solo dinger to the first man he faced, another run on a two out single and was responsible for the lead runner when Nick Hagadone gave up the lead on a three run shot in the 7th.  Awful.  Germano (13.50) has nowhere to go but the scrap heap.  Hagadone (3.86) was making just his fifth appearance for Columbus, so some growing pains are to be expected, but you certainly cannot like the walk that immediately preceded the game's biggest moment.

At the dish, Jared Goedert (.083), after his official activation from the DL and option to the minors, launched a solo home run for his first AAA hit of the season.  Goedert remains on the 40-man roster, taking the final open spot.  Cord Phelps (.319) added two singles to extend his hitting streak to 14 games and Luis Valbuena (.292) provided three hits and an RBI.  On the dissapointing side, Lonnie Chinsenhall continued to slump.  Since hitting his 5th home run of the season on May 26th, Chinsenhall (.269) is 1-for-17 with 5 strikeouts.

Zach McAllister looks for his 8th straight win of 2011 when toes the rubber for the Clippers against Durham tomorrow at 7:05p.

Other Minor Points of Interest --

Austin Adams tossed another quality start as the Aeros defeated Richmond 3-2.  Adams (2.51) did not get the decision and his season record remains locked at 4.  Excepting two starts in which he did not make it through the 2nd inning, Austin (5 IP, 4 H, R, 5 BB, 5 K) has an ERA of 1.62 in 2011.  Even including the stinkers his OBA is .249 and his K/9 sits at 9.84.

Keep an eye on Anthony Gallas, a Strongsville native and Kent State grad, who was signed by the Tribe as an undrafted free agent last season.  Gallas had 2 more hits, including a double and an RBI, for the Captains today and is raking at .355 on the year.  27 of the 23-year old outfielder's 60 hits (22 2B, 5 HR) have been for extra bases and his OPS is a slick .997.  From everything I hear, Gallas will be earning a ticket to Kinston in the near future.

Cheers.

While I Was Sminking

Justin Masterson in May: 0-3, 3.79 ERA.  Not too bad, simply a grand departure from his 5-0, 2.18 April.  The statistical concern is the opponents batting average, .279 vs. .217.  That is quiet a few more hits.  I suppose that it was unrealistic to expect Masterson, who had been the definition of inconsistent coming into 2011, to cruise through the campaign unmolested.  Justin's frame is prone to a variety of erratic movements, any one of which can rob him of his ability to repeat his delivery.  Over the season's first month, he was remarkable in his avoidance of such complications and, while May has brought some regression, he still has continued to produce at the highest level of his big league career.  Long and short, he is no longer on my fantasy team, but I would not worry about him as a key piece of a division leading starting rotation.

Yeah, that's right the Tribe is still in first, comfortably so.  While the Indians have lost four of five, the second place Tigers (a robust 26-26) have dropped 7 of 10.  Thus, even mired in their least successful stretch of the season, the good guys have maintained a six game cushion on the Central.  The key is for Manny Acta's boys to bounce back.  They took care of business on Saturday to avoid a prolonged losing streak and the series that begins tonight in Toronto is just as important.  In my eyes, we need two of three and a sweep would be wicked awesome.

A minute on Saturday's game.  It was great to see the power from Matt LaPorta, but the eye popping numbers came from the bullpen.  While we are all aware of how effective it has been as a whole, to see the ERAs between Carlos Carrasco and Chris Perez run 1.42-1.19-1.02 is nearly mind boggling.  I am sure you can guess what comes next, perhaps the most reliable exhibition of the year, Vinnie Pestano is nasty.

There are a couple of causes for concern.  Grady Sizemore is 0-for-12 with seven K's since his return from the disabled list to drop his season average to .244.  Maybe Acta was batting him #1 because he knew something we did not about Grady's psychology.  Sizemore has hit sixth in each of the last three games after clipping .286 from the leadoff spot.  Jack Hannahan's average has continued to plummet as well.  We were likely spoiled by Jack's .273/.349/.481 slash line in April and his numbers in May (.174/.260/.203) have balanced his season to career norms.  He is one for his last 14 and is now hitting .226.  Don't get me wrong, I did the guy the most and would like nothing better than to have a lineup around him that allowed the man to bat .230 and play stellar defense.  Unfortunately, the Tribe has scored more than 3 runs exactly three times over their last 11 games (5-6) and making use of an gold-glove, no-hit player at third is a luxury that the team cannot afford.

One possible solution to the offensive woes, one that is overdue, would be the promotion of Cord Phelps.  Phelps put together another three-hit, 3-RBI game in the Clippers 6-5 win yesterday.  Cord is batting .368 over a 13-game hitting streak and has a .940 OPS and 38 RBI on the season.  I would not suggest calling him and instantly plugging him in as the everyday third baseman, but having the option of an offensive minded player in the mix adds a dynamic that the big club is sorely lacking.  Jared Goedert may also eventually be a possibility, but, still technically rehabbing, he is off to an awful 0-for-9 start with the Clippers, featuring four strikeouts. 

Nick Hagadone, on the other hand, has throw magnificently since he was moved up from AA Akron.  Nick had stellar numbers for the Aeros (2-1, 1.59, .175 OBA, 9.53 K/9, 0.93 WHIP) has been just as impressive at AAA.  Hagadone threw two shutout innings on Saturday in his 4th appearance for the Clips.  He is 1-0 with a 1.42 ERA and a save.  His meta stats are even better with 11.37 K/9, a 0.63 WHIP and a .130 OBA.  Many speculate that he will be a viable option by August.  I say he will be the next bullpen arm to make the lake.

Other Minor Points of Interest --

Adam Miller picked up his first pro win since 2007 by pitching a scoreless 9th inning in Akron's 2-1 victory yesterday.  Miller, making his first AA appearance on his epic rehab trail, picked up for Joe Gardner, who hurled a gem.  Gardner (3.46) put up his best start of the season, allowing a run on six hits over 8 frames.  He walked one and struck out six, rebounding from a start in which he failed to get out of the 5th and surrendered nine runs.

Steven Wright took the loss for Lake County on Saturday, despite not allowing an earned run.  All five West Mchigan's runs came across in a mistake plagued second inning that featured two errors and two hit batsmen.  Wright (1.51) made in through only four innings in suffering his first loss of 2011.  He allowed six hits and two walks while fanning three and tossing his 4th wild pitch of the season.  The error that opened the door for the aforementioned rally was by second baseman Nick Bartolone, his 16th of the year.  The 2010 6th round selection had made each of his previous 15 errors at short, where his fielding percentage sits at .901.  Unfortunately the 20-year old is not contributing with the stick either, batting .192 with a .499 OPS.

FotB Tyler Tufts earned his second AA victory on Saturday.  Tyler (2.30) pitched and inning and two thirds of clean ball, allowing two hits and striking out one.  Although his OBA is rather high (.288) he had been getting the key outs and had walked just 2 in 15.2 innings.

Cheers.

Tressel Out!

Jim Tressel has resigned as the head football coach of The Ohio State University.  Following months of cover-ups and revelations of impropriety by the coach that returned the program to the national elite, Tressel submitted his letter of resignation on Monday.  I guess Ray Small was in his dog house for a reason.

Luke Fickel, already tabbed as the head man for the first five games of 2011, will serve as the "interim" head coach for the entire season.  According to Tressel's contract, the university does not owe the former skipper any severance, either in dollars or benefits, in the event of his resignation.

Hopefully this move will quiet the media storm surrounding the situation and allow Fickel and the team a measure of calm to prepare for what is sure to be a harrowing fall slate. 

Full Story

Pretty Girl 05.30.11 - Kelli Hutcherson

Dude, I have to start watching more UFC.

MVotD - Steel Panther Anthology: Feel. The. Steel.

Not safe for anyone!



Hi Sarah!



They will cover any hair metal tune, ex....



And now you know the greatest lie ever told...



Cheers.

Flick to Click: Take Shelter

Opens 10.07.11.

Pretty Girl 05.29.11 - Katy Mixon

I believe the word that you're looking for is voluptuous.

Flick to Click: The Change-Up

In theaters everywhere 08.05.11.

I Was Distracted So I'll Trust the Count At 99

99 words for boobs - watch more funny videos

What about cans or melons or bazongas or awoogas or sweater puppies?  Maybe yahvos or magic 8 balls?  Memorable mammaries? ;-j

Pretty Girl Update! - Lindsay Lohan

Now that's what I call art!

Clip Joint Promotions?

Corey Kluber

I should be focused on praising Corey Kluber on his best start of the season.  Corey pitched into the 7th (officially 6 IP) and allowed just two runs (1 ER) on 4 hits, a walk and 2 K's.  After an horrific start to the season (0-3, 8.04 ERA) Kluber has found himself in winning his last three starts (3.86 ERA) to even his record.  With some shakeups likely to affect the Clippers pitching staff going forward (cough...Zach McAllister), consistency from Kluber is paramount.

That is where my mind should be.  Instead, all I can see is Ezequiel Carrera with 3 hits (R, RBI, .316).  I am dwelling on Cord Phelps 3 hits (2B, 3 RBI, .315).   Even Jason Kipnis (3B, R, BB, SB, .292) and his blend of speed (9-for-9 SB) and power (.500 slugging percentage) has me distracted.  Why are these kids still marooned at AAA while a gaggle of retread scrubs (you know who you are) are delivering out after meek, pitiful out for the Indians?  Obviously the smart guys with the big paychecks know what they are doing, just look at all of those World Series banners in the outfield. 

Bah.  Grow a set and make the moves.

Other Minor Points of Interest --

Jared Goedert continues to progress nicely in his rehab assignment.  Jared (.276) laced an RBI single, walked and scored a pair in Akron's 9-2 victory tonight.  He played first base tonight and, in addition to his natural third,  has also seen time in left field.  If he can get his timing back quickly enough, he may have an opportunity to take Shelley Duncan's job

Matt Packer was the winner tonight for the Aeros as he pitched brilliantly for his second win of the season.  Packer (3.91) has thrown better than his 2-5 record would indicate and was finally rewarded with a victory after tossing seven innings of four hit ball.  Matt allowed one run and walked three, while fanning four.  He is a contact pitcher who relies on hitting his spots and changing speeds with his four pitch arsenal (FB, CB, SL, CU).  Do not let the fact that he does not get much ink fool you, he the chops to make the bigs.

LeVon Washington has hit one hell of a slump with low-A Lake County.  Washington is 0-for-his-last 20 with 8 strikeouts, dropping his batting average from .250 to .167.  There is some conjecture that he is not yet fully healed from a spring training knee injury and he is certainly still working back to true game form.  No need to worry.

Cheers.

A Quest Called Tribe

The good news is that Josh Tomlin gutted his way through six innings and, despite allowing a pair of two run dingers, gave the Indians a chance to win.  The icing is that Josh threw 5+ innings for the 22nd consecutive start to begin his career.  That puts him in third place since 1919, behind only Steve Rodgers (24) and Daisuke Matsuzaka (28).  This phenomenal streak seams sort of hollow coming in the midst of a three game losing streak that has seen the Tribe score a grand total of four runs.  Cough...cough...Cord Phelps.

The lineup fiasco today was a joke.  I was all for juggling it a bit to get Grady into RBI situations and take some pressure off of Carlos Santana, but WTF.  It is as if Manny Acta took a whole bottle of Mickey Rooney's crazy pills as he filled out the card.  I understand the concept of lefty/righty matchups, but for a man who had been unbelievably consistent with his lineup all season tonight was quite a departure.  I almost thought the sequence was a typo when I saw it pregame.  Matt LaPorta (.453 slugging) ahead of Sizemore (.641)?  All of this reordering and Shelly Duncan (.632 OPS) still hitting cleanup?  Orlando Cabrera (.288 OBP) in the two hole?  All this AND Austin Kearns remains?  That is a great way to put up zero runs, which is exactly what they did.  If Acta wants to shake things up, the answers are right up the road in Norfolk, Virginia where the Clippers are playing the Tides.  Cough...cough...Lonnie Chisenhall.

I suppose that I cannot lay all of the blame on the structure of the batting order.  For all of their success in 2011, the Indians have been pitiful against top tier starters.

04.12 - Danny Haren: 9 IP, 2 H, 0 R, 2 BB, 8 K

05.11 - David Price: 8 IP, 5 H, 2 R/ER, 0 BB, 7 K
05.18 - Jake Peavy: 9 IP, 3 H, 0 R, 0 BB, 8 K
05.24 - Josh Beckett: 6.2 IP, 5 H, 1 R/ER, 3 BB, 6 K
05.27 - David Price: 7 IP, 4 H, 0 R, 2 BB, 12 K

All losses.  I am not counting Jered Weaver or Mark Beurhle  as a top tier starter and Beckett had injury concerns the first time out.  For a team looking to make it into October this trend has to turn around.

Although it is still May, a true losing streak would test the mettle of a very inexperienced team.  Tomorrow is as close as you can come to must win 50 games in.  Let's get it done, boys.

Cheers.

Pretty Girl 05.28.11 - Liv Tyler

Topless on film for the first time in 15 years!  Check out The Ledge!

ZMac's Clip Joint

Just about every five days I find myself asking the same question.  Over that span, a Mitch Talbot or a Carlos Carrasco has served up another stinker and chalked another hash into the loss column for the Tribe.  In the same period, Zach McAllister has tossed another gem for the Clippers.  Yesterday was just another ho-hum seven innings of four hit, one run ball.  Just another five K's against zero walks to up his season K/BB ratio to 4.70.  I ask myself, I ask the Indians, why isn't McAllister pitching every fifth day on the lake?

The offense mustered only a Lonnie Chisenhall (.287) solo jack over the regulation nine, so Zach was not around for the win, but the man is 7-0 with a 2.29.  He is on the 40-man roster.  He is tall (6'6") and athletic.  He is efficient and well-spoken.  By all indications he has a good head on his shoulders and a year and a half of AAA ball under his belt.  Make the call!

Similarly, Cord Phelps continues to linger in Columbus despite a .306 average and 32 RBI.  Although Phelps had but one hit yesterday, it was the the game breaking three run double in the top of the tenth that sealed the victory for the Clippers.  I am part of a growing fan and blog voice that cannot fathom why Adam Everett and his shoddy defense are more deserving of a roster spot than Phelps.

Wednesday means June.  Let's get these kids to the coast and win this thing.  I'm about to pop some bubbly.

Columbus tees off in Norfolk again this evening.  First pitch is @ 7:15p with Corey Kluber on the mound.

Other Minor Points of Interest --

Jared Goedert (.269) showed the first signs of returning to his 2010 form as he homered twice for the Aeros on Wednesday.  Goedert, a huge part of a six run comeback that fell a run short, drove in four.  Expect Jared, who is eligible to come off of the 60-day DL at the end of the month, to be mashing in Columbus soon theerafter.

Adam Miller (4.91) hit the first turbulence since his initial appearance for Kinston.  While he did manage to keep the lead in a contest in which Kinston did everything that it could to blow an 8-0 advanatge, Miller did not look good.  He got the first two outs of the 8th inning, sandwiched around a free pass, then proceeded to allow an RBI triple and a two-run long ball to back-to-back hitters.  Regardless, Miller was promoted to AA Akron this afternoon.

Cheers.

I Smell Sex And... Violence

John Belushi eat your heart out.  ;-j

Pretty Girl Update! - Kristin Cavallari

Two notes, Kristin: smile more and... take your top off!

Pretty Girl 05.27.11 - Nina Dobrev

Good things do come in 108 lb packages.

Breaking News! mySpace Sucks!

Also, I don't have a smartphone so I have no idea what foursquare is.  Except that it's for a smartphone.  I think.  That's what it said when I looked up foursqaure.  And something about earning badges?  Like in the scouts?  But with a smartphone?  For fun?  At least I know it sucks.  If animated logos are to be believed...

Not Good Enough For the Tribe

The Mets only gave us cash for Wilson Valdez, maybe the Phillies would like Chad Durbin back.  Hmm?  Ha?  I think Wilson would be an upgrade in the garbage time role.

Pussy and Queef Jokes

Bridesmaids Outtakes - watch more funny videos

Here is all of the cutting room comedy from the soon to be classic Hangover For Chicks Bridesmaids.  If this is what got left out, what made the film must be pure gold!   I originally wanted to title this post "Cunt and Queef Jokes," but there ain't nothin' funny 'bout cunts.

Flick to Click: Conan O'Brien Cant Stop

Out 06.24.11 in limited release.

Pretty Girl 05.26.11 - Zoe Saldana

Is it racist to say I prefer black to blue?

A Quest Called Tribe

Any loss is just a loss.  One loss, no more, no less.  Neither the fact that the Tribe fell 14-2 today nor the matter of Mitch Talbot (5.87) allowing seven first inning runs supplements the standings in any way.  What it does is magnify the sense of urgency to make some substantive roster changes.

I am not yet screaming for Talbot's head.  I am willing to give the man one more start to prove that he belongs in the rotation of a contending ballclub.  Should he falter again, the time will have come for Zach McAllister to ascend to the big leagues.  No Jeanmar Gomez.  No David Huff.  No more scrubs.  Even if Talbot cannot produce a quality start in his next appearance, he should still have a spot on the major league roster as the long man.  Sliding into the role that he was destined for before Alex White stubbed his finger, Talbot would push Frank Herrmann (11.42) back down to AAA.  Herrmann's day was just as bad as Talbot's and his numbers at both levels this season have been no good.  I do not have an explanation for Frank's hardships, but the Tribe does not have the luxury of investigating on the fly.  There is no time for projects this season.  There is only for the best 25-men to win.

What does this mean for the men with the sticks?  It means sayonara to Austin Kearns (.599 OPS), happy trails Adam Everett (.642), arevia durche Shelly Duncan (.632).  It may just mean a fond farewell to Jack Hannahan (.687).  Jack has made a solid case to stay as an integral cog in the Indians' winning ways of 2011.  The other three have made little, if any contribution.  Rave all you like about Duncan's leadership and clutch hitting, the man in batting .121 in May and that is after two hits today.  Grady is ready to come off of the DL and Cord Phelps, at the very least, is ready to splash down lakeside. What is the downside of giving these kids a look?  Oooh, we will not be able to find another right handed outfielder to hit Mendoza with zero taters?  Please.

What else can I say about a 14-2 dog?  Vinnie Pestano is still nasty.

Cheers.

P.s. It was Josh Judy that got booted down to Columbus so that Talbot could make his glorious return.

Bullpen Mafia, Yo!

I would think that Josh Judy feels left out.

No Mercy!

This is why you put the other guy on the mat and say the hell with social graces.  I don't want to go off on a rant here, but I, for one, am pretty damn sick of having to cater to people's feelings.  I have played that game, on both sides, and it's just a load of shit.  When the big voice says "Finish Him!" you had better oblige, lest you live to regret it.  Or shatter to a million tiny pieces. ;-j

Cheers.

A Quest Called Tribe

I am beginning to worry about the offense.  Following a 2 run showing in a loss to the BoSox the Indians have now put up 98 runs in their last 21 games (13-8).  That averages to 4.67 runs per game, not too shabby.  For those of you who know statistics, you understand that raw averages can be deceiving.  Such is the case with the Tribe.  31 of those 98 runs were scored in 19-1 thrashing of the Royals and Sunday's 12-4 romp over the Reds (this means too large of a standard deviation).  That leaves 67 runs scored in 19 games (11-8) or an average of 3.53.  Yeah, that's not very good.  The American League average for the season in 4.23 and only the lowly Twins came into Tuesday averaging fewer than 3.53 runs/game.  Now the Indians still have the best record in baseball and their six game lead on Detroit is nearly twice the margin that any other division leader sports, but we should be mindful.  Especially with Travis Hafner out for at least a month.  Especially with Grady Sizemore nursing two sore knees.  Especially with Carlos Santana batting .203 and Shin-Soo Choo lingering at .244.  Most especially with our phenom starter (Alex White) out until at least August and our "ace" now sporting a 3-5 record and a 4.73 ERA.

Oh Fausto.  In a year when so much of the team's talent has progressed, you, sir, seem to have regressed.  Again.  For a team that often needs to scratch and claw and for every baserunner, let alone every run, the slop of the second and the disgrace of allowing a home run to 86-year old catcher are simply unforgivable.  Get your stinkin' head screwed on straight or the depth of pitching in this system will catch up to you before you realize that you are throwing long relief in Albuquerque, New Mexico.  Do your job Fausto!  Or get the fuck out of town.

It was nice to see Travis Buck hit the home run off of Papelbon.

Cheers.

Pretty Girl 05.25.11 - Estella Warren

[Incoherent grunting]... Dude, I really like beauty marks.

Hey RNC! I'm Down To Run

Republicans Don't Want To Be President - watch more funny videos

If you don't mind so many skeletons that I had to rent storage space.   ;-j  No, really.  Call me.  I'll do it.

Pretty Girl Update! - Julianne Hough

1. You know she's hot because she looks this good in candids.  2. Her dude is a talentless schmuck.  & 3. May I please have directions to this beach.

While I Was Sminking - @ Da Clip Joint

Nick Hagadone

The Nick Hagadone train continues at full speed.  Following a Friday promtion to Columbus, Nick has thrown three times and has already notched his first AAA win and save.  The save came this afternoon as the Clippers put the finishing touches on a four game sweep of the Durham Bulls.  Hagadone (2.08) pitched the final 2.1 innings allowing just one hit and struck out a pair.  Scott Barnes picked up his third victory of the season (5 IP, 5 H, 2 R/ER, 3 BB, 7 K) and seems to have settled in a bit over his last couple of starts.

Jason Kipnis, batting leadoff since Ezequiel Carrera's promotion, has taken to his new role with aplomb.  Kipnis (.292) raked 7-for-16 in the series (2 2B, 3B, HR) with four runs scored and five RBI.  Cord Phelps conitnued his hot hitting as well, batting 7-for-18 with 2 doubles, 2 runs and 3 RBI.  Many, including TonyIPI, believe that Phelps' (.310) promotion to Cleveland is as imminent as within the next week.  Lonnie Chisenhall is a bit further off, but if Jack Hannahan cannot turn around his dreadful May performance (.520 OPS), we will likely see the Chiz Kid around the All-Star break.  Chisenhall (.283) was 7-for-17 against Durham (2 2B, HR) with 3 RBI and 6 runs scored.  Those are the 1, 2, & 3 hitters in the Columbus lineup.  Chad Huffman (.263), who produced a 10 RBI game earlier in the season and has hit cleanup quite a bit, went 3-for-3 on Saturday, falling a single short of the cycle and driving in five.  With production like that, winning becomes a lot easier.

Starting pitching doesn't hurt either.  Jeanmar Gomez looks to have righted his ship ;-j with an 8 inning complete game victory on Monday night.  Gomez (3.16)  improved his AAA mark to 4-1 by allowing seven hits and two earned with two walks and three strike outs.  Even so, I maintain that Gomez can be of no further assistance to the big club this season.  I am in the minority here, but I would expect that Zach McAllister is now at the top of the minor league depth chart should the Indians need another starter before Alex White is healthy.  McAllister is on the 40-man and has dominated the IL (7-0, 2.43) this year.

Both Steven Wright and Matt Langwell were briefly with the Clippers over the weekend.  Langwell did not take the mound, though Wright did make his AAA debut as knuckleballer.  He allowed 2 earned and 5 hits over 2.2 innings while striking out a pair.  Wright succesfully protected the Clippers lead before being returned to Lake County on Sunday.  Marty Popham has been added to the AAA roster in what appears to be a more permanent role.

Other Minor Points of Interest --

Beau Mills rounded into form over the weekend.  Mills (.333) drove in a pair Saturday, three on Sunday and added a a 2-run pinch double yesterday.  He is mostly DH'ing coming off a right achilles injury and has posted a .937 OPS in his first 7 games back.  He has also not struck out in his first 20 plate appearances.

After missing eight days as he continued to rehab back from an oblique strain, Jared Goedert (.222) has played for the Akron Aeros on each of the past two days.  Goedert hasn't been beating the world (1-for-6, 2B, 3 BB), but with a nagging pain like an oblique, easing back in is paramount.

Chun Chen (.277) double three times yesterday and drove home a pair.  Chen, who can certainly hit, will be hampered by the fact that he has no true position to play at higher levels.

I suppose it is time to mention Tim Fedroff, expected by most to be the next outfielder added to the Columbus roster.  Fedroff (.377) has posted a .929 OPS this season and is hitting .514 over his last 10 games.  He spent all of 2010 with Akron, compiling an OPS of .715.

Adam Miller (2.70) has not been scored upon for Kinston since a shaky debut at the end of April.  Miller picked up his first save on Friday and has put just five men on base over those nine innings and has fanned 12.  His OBA is .167 for the season and .069 excluding that first appearance.  Miller should see Akron very soon.

Giovanni Soto continued to impress as he evened his record at 3 on Friday.  Soto (2.02) allowed a run (solo HR) on four hits and a walk over six innings.  Giovanni struck out 8 and has posted an ERA of 0.71 since April 23.

After an awful start on May 8th, Captains pitcher Michael Goodnight has gotten right back on the horse.  Goodnight (2.68) earned his third win of 2011 on Saturday, giving up a run on 2 hits and 2 walks with 7 punch outs.  Excepting that rotten egg (1.2 IP, 5 H, 7 R, 4 ER), he has returned a .139 OBA and an ERA of 1.99.

FotB Tyler Tufts remains a key cog in the bullpen of the AA Frisco RoughRiders of the run happy Texas League.  Tyler (2.77) last threw on Friday, a successful 1.2 innings surrendering 2 hits and mowing down three.  He has delivered a tremendous 11.0 K/BB ratio and a solid 1.15 WHIP.

Now you are all caught up.

Cheers.

Celebrities Pole Dancing On Network Television

 My fiddle is tuned, polished and ready for flames.

A Quest Called Tribe

So here is the question - is Asdrubal Cabrera your American League MVP?  AzCab certainly looks it after knocking both his 10th dinger of the season and the go-ahead double in a 3-2 victory.  Let us take a look.  Asdrubal ranks in the top 8 in all three of the triple crown categories, .312 (8th), 10 HR (T-4th), 34 RBI (T-4th).  On a team that seems to feature a different offensive hero on each given night, these are pretty gaudy stats.  He is also tied for 16th in the AL with 7 stolen bases (0 CS) and is 7th with a .919 OPS. 

All of these numbers sound awesome, but they are a whisper to thin.  Why?  His name is Jose Bautista.  Joey Bats (.353, 19 HR, 32 RBI, 1.330 OPS) is destroying the ball.  Many argue that there is no possibility that he maintains this pace for the entirety of the season.  Well, the same could be said of Cabrera.  At heart I am a stat guy and these days I put the most weight into WAR.  There are a number of different calculations for this metric and I prefer that of BaseballReference.com.  So far in 2011, Asdrubal has accumulated a WAR of 2.5, good enoguh to tie for 7th in the AL.  Bautista is far and away the leader at 4.4. 

Others argue that there are factors that these numbers do not take into account.  The Indians are 15 games over .500 (Wow!), while the Jays are just a single game up.  The Indians have had to deal with injuries to several key starting pitchers and their two best known offensive cogs.  The Tribe has put this run together with Jack Hannahan at third and their 3 and 4 hitters mired in season long slumps.  I will point to the fact that Most Valuable Player directly implies that the winner should be the player who has added the most value to his team.  What do we call value in baseball?  We rename it as wins.  Thus, the question boils down to which player has added the most wins to his team.  Supposing that you accept the objective validity of the WAR measure as I do, then, while Az has had an All-Star campaign, he falls just short of the MVP threshhold.

Amazingly, there are other players on the team and some of them are drawing a fair amount of concern.   am looking at you Chris Perez.  Chris seems to have conjured the spirit of the all-mighty Bob Wickman in putting together a Picasso of a season.  When you do not take the time to look closely 1-1, 13 saves and a 2.70 ERA seems to be a pretty nice campaign.  I choose to dig a bit deeper.  Since beignning 2011 with 8 straight scoreless appearances, Perez's ERA is 4.38 and he has walked more (10) than he has struck out (8). Over his last four appearances just 36 of his 68 pitches have been for strikes and he has put 8 men on base in four innings.  I will not nitpick the results, but we all should be wary of the fact that these tendencies may tip the scales against a team that has played 26 of its 45 games within 3 runs, including 16 of 30 wins.

Here's to hoping that Fausto Carmona can deliver the same sort of start that he did in his first try against Boston (7 IP, 0 R, 2 H) and not the kind of crap he has coughed up versus those other Sox.

Cheers.

Pretty Girl 05.24.11 - Angie Harmon

5'10" with a Texas drawl y'all.  Git along little dogies.

While I Was Sminking - Tribe Style

The Tribe swept the Reds!  I hanging out in the mezzanine for the sold out Saturday affair.  A better game you will never see.  Josh Tomlin is not just the 5th pitcher since 1919 to pitch 5+ innings in his first 21 MLB starts.  The man is beginning to look unstoppable.  On a day when he was not as crisp as normal (only 57 of 85 pitches for strikes), he still allowed just a run on 3 hits over seven strong innings.  That run would not have even come across had Orlando Cabrera done his job and cleanly started the double play to close the 7th.  Of course that would have taken all of the magic out of Travis Buck's go ahead bomb.  As my buddy said, "I'm so glad that Carlos Santana struck out."  Tomlin's WHIP this year is a phenomenal 0.821.  That is best in the bigs.  Just for the sake of reference, the all-time season WHIP record is 0.737 (Pedro Martinez, 2000) and only Martinez and Greg Maddux (1995) have had one lower since 1913.  Chris Perez earned the save while throwing 9 balls and 8 strikes, thanks for the adventure.  Oh, and Vinnie Pestano is nasty.

Ezequiel Carrera and Josh Judy made their major league debuts.  In one of the gutsiest calls that I have seen since April 7th, Carrera laid down a drag bunt on the first major league pitch that he saw.  With two outs and runners on the corners with two outs, Zeke had to beat it.  He did... by narrowly avoiding a diving Joey Votto and nearly running outside of the base path. 

Judy's debut was not nearly as dramatic, but he did strike out the first hitter he faced and tossed a clean 9th on Sunday despite allowing a pair of hits.  Asdrubal Cabrera likely added quite a few All-Star votes after scoring his first career five hit game and first career multi-homer game.  Overall AzCab (.302) was 5-for-5 with two dingers, five RBI and a stolen base.  After dramatic victories in the first two games of the 12-5 thrashiing of Cincy yesterday was a welcome chance to breathe easy.  The sweep was the Tribe's 6th three gamer of the still young season as opposed to just 4 in all of 2010.

Manny Acta said today that Grady Sizemore will not need a minor league rehab stint before returning to the Indians lineup.  Sizemore, eligible for activation from the DL on the 26th, will probably be the everyday DH for a couple of weeks to reduce stress on both of his knees.  When Grady comes back, the Indians will have a difficult decision to make.  Do they send Carrera back to AAA or do they finally cut ties with Austin Kearns?  Regardless of the good will that Kearns built up last season, the need for a right handed bat cannot be filled by someone hitting .200 with a .577 OPS.  His offensive WAR this season is -0.2.  That means his bat is costing the team wins.  Done and done.

The faint silver lining surrounding the injury to Alex White (a sprained ligament in his right middle finger) is that the Indians avoid having to make a definitive move concerning Mitch Talbot.  He will now easily slide back into the rotation as opposed to a possible long man position or even a demotion to Columbus.  Although the rotation will eventually have to be finalized, the situation gives the organization to see if Talbot's success before landing on the disabled list (1-0, 1.46) was an abberance or the emergence of reliable starting pitcher.  Hopefully, it is the latter as White is expected to miss at least two months and, perhaps, the remained of the 2011 season.

More to come.

Cheers.

Pretty Girl 05.23.11 - Evangeline Lilly

I'm starting to think that she will never win another role, but still a looker.